Get Myself Together
by deeleigh
Summary: Post DinM


**A/N:** Spoilers for Daredevil in the Mold.

If you want to hear my opinion of the episode, feel free to review or message me. Not all readers want to learn about my opinions, so I won't include them here.  
I do not own anything.

_It's like my mind is gone_  
_I got, got to get, get my head back on_  
_I got, got to get myself together_  
_When this hurt is gone _  
_I got, got to get myself together_  
_Can't tell what's going wrong_  
_I wish there's something could be done_  
_When this hurt is gone_  
_I got, got to get myself together_  
_Can't stand to see you upset_

-Get Myself Together, Robyn

* * *

You were surprised that she'd be calling you this late; she always called you in the morning, before lunch. Normally to ask you to lunch. But it was almost 11.

You were surprised.

"Brennan," you said.

"Hey Temperance, it's Hannah."

"Hi Hannah, how are you?"

"Not so great, uhm. I don't know how to really say any of this to you, so I guess I just will." She was hesitating, and you were still sort of suprised, but she was nervous and that was strange.

You had always seen her as this magnificently confident woman. She was very similar to you, in that aspect of her personality. She was strong, brave, determined, and independent. She didn't need much to be happy. She was a nomad, and a strong one.

"Sure, continue," you said, hoping to ease her nerves.

"Seeley asked me to marry him."

You didn't say anything.

"I said no," she added.

You weren't thinking. You didn't know what to think. All that you could really think, was so selfish that you dismissed it. Because the thought that he really didn't want you was the only thing that occured to you for a short moment. Booth really did not want to love you anymore. He didn't. He never would.

Because he loved her enough to ask her to marry him, and he had never even said that he'd loved you. He jsut wanted to be with you.

He loved Hannah enough to marry her.

"I'm sorry that we won't be able to be friends anymore, Hannah."

"Me too, Temperance. You're an amazing human being."

"I want to say the same, but I-"

"I don't blame you," she said. You were somewhat relieved. "It's fine. I'm just going to miss you very much."

"I need to call him now. I'm very sorry."

"Me too. Stay well, Temperance."

"You too."

And just like that, Hannah was gone from your life. She was gone and despite the fact that you were almost sad about that, you were relieved. Almost happy. It was sort of bittersweet. You were happy, but you were incredibly sad. Very jealous of her. That Booth loved her enough to marry her. Because although you had always told him that you didn't need a piece of paper to prove you love, you never said that you didn't want that paper. You wouldn't want it with anyone else, but if he were to ask you, you were pretty sure that you would say yes. You couldn't really deny him anything.

Not anymore.

When you called him, his phone went straight to voicemail.

You went to Founding Fathers, knowing he would be there. You saw him at the bar, and stood at the door for a few minutes before finally making your way to him. "You drunk?"

"I'm not a drunk," he said. Defending himself. He was on guard. It made sense.

Because he was actually very drunk.

And suddenly it felt like he was saying all these things that he had maybe already said. It felt like when you had been outside the Hoover and he was telling you he needed to move on to someone else. You knew he was just being defensive. That he didn't mean everything he was saying because, one, he was sad-broken. And because, two, he was really drunk.

You try to tell him that want him. You want to marry him and buy a house that has a fence and that you love him. You love him and you need him to be alright.

But he's not being fair. He's drunk, and mad and broken, but not fair.

His selfishness is shining through to you, and if you weren't so hopelessly lost without him, you would call him on it. Make him hurt the way he was hurting you. Because he was breaking you, now.

And then you knew.

You knew that there was always going to be something, or someone, between the two of you. Fear, or Hannah, or resentment.

Booth and you, you'd never make it work.

You would try and you would be happy. Sometimes. You aren't sure that people in relationships are always happy all the time, but you want to be happy all the time. And if that means choosing to leave this part of you behind for good-the part that feels so much-maybe you'd be happier. He looks so sad, and you never want to feel that way again. And no matter how many times the tables turn or are on the other foot or whatever the saying is, one of you will always be sad.

And if he is sad, you are sad. So, evidently, you will be permanently sad. Permanently broken.

You stay and have a drink anyway, because he never did that for you, and never would. Because he was selfish and sad.

And you are selfless and sad. But somehow, you decide, that that must be better.


End file.
